Friday, March 23, 2018

Emotionally drained

Yes every parent of a special needs child is and that's ok, yes it is normal and yes it's ok to say it

Acknowledge your feelings, own them, explore them and understand them then move on with your day, job done

There is this strange stigma that us parents need to remain strong and we tend to pretend we're ok when we are truely Dieng on the inside

Fear is a horrible feeling and we're afraid to admit our fears out loud for fear of being judged, and us parents always live in the fear that if we say how we truely feel they will think we're not coping and take our kids away

Firstly, let me just say, there is no where to put our kids safer than our home with their loving parent so don't fear that nonsense, and there is definitely no money to fund them being taken
Let's be honest here, I've read harrowing stories of parents begging for help and nothing as ain't no money to provide the help they need

Fleeting thoughts are normal, they are a brains way of filtering out it's nonsense
It has to release it somewhere at the end of the day, better out then in
People are afraid of their crazy thoughts, for fear they are crazy
Your not crazy, your normal, your brain reads and absorbs at an alarming rate, especially now with social media so accessable, you scroll though all sorts on face book, of corse your brain gonna retain some of it, some things on face book are disgusting, then you have the news, news papers, conversations
Give your brain a brake for all the madness it feeds ya, your brain is exhausted and overwhelmed, as are you it's just releasing it all back out before it explodes, your normal, that's normal and yes your not a lunatic and about to go on a killing spree

I have days where I'm floored by tiredness and I just lie there thinking I can't do this shit any more, not one more day of it, I get the panic of, what if things get worse not better and no more help is coming, were fucked we are simply fucked, I beg for more help but it  just ain't coming, what more can I do
I know, I'll load the car up, all of us in it and drive at high speed off a cliff
That's the only solution I have

Now let me say, that's never gonna happen, have you ever tried to load one people carrier with 3 autistic kids that hate each other and drive with 3 autistic kids that hate each other, trust me
Nothing is worth that torture

Am I ashamed of those mental thoughts
Nope, why? Cause its my processing of my situation, because I talk myself down
I love my kids, and I gotta be very honest here, they are seriously stunningly gorgeous kids, I mean seriously
We got the looks in that gene pool, the rest of the genes got a bit fucked up but yea we defo got the looks

My thoughts are mine, that's my protection, because I automatically think, god could you imagine just getting them in the same car let alone the drive there haha, preteen would probably already have bludgend one to death before we left the drive way, then I smile at the madness then I end up laughing at the craziness and then I'm like awww look at my gorgeous babies, awwww
They just too damn cute, loud but cute
Maybe we'll survive just one more day

Now you can read that and go on a mad one and be like omg what did she say

Or you can read that and think yep been there

Or you can laugh with it as there was humor intended

Allow yourself to be down in the dumps, pissed off, angry, fearful, drained, tired, hopeless for it's these emotions that I push us on to better places and want to be in better places
We handle it and learn from it
We succeed at turning a bad situation into a positive one

My kids come with the most exhausting challenges but they are happy, very rarely you'll see them at their worst as their mostly at their best, they have different points in the day that leave shaking with stress or ready to jump off a bridge but then the rest of the day their humming away, laughing, jumping
Or they do something mental that you can only laugh at cause your all cried out

Emotions, we all got them, everyone has some battle they are fighting, everyone is fed up with something or someone, stress is just a normal part of life now, some have it worse that others, but never be afraid of to say out loud how you feel, its important to talk, vent, rant, ask advice, look for support, that's what gets us through it

We're only human

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