Sunday, August 9, 2015

august you will be the death of me

June was good to us folks, little to complain about at all, July and august however, not so much. 

June was peaceful, we survived and got through it as normal, tired, stressed but this is our normal.

July wasn't to so bad, we have visitors down and where rarely home, we went on a lot of day trips and over nights and made the most of it,  the end of July however, well I never thought id survive the last week of July and start of August.  July provisions came to an abrupt end and all hell broke loose, the crèche where also on a week and a half's holidays, DISASTER, L's in-home worker was also on 2 weeks holiday DANGER. 

The twins where on a mission to fit as many tantrums and melt downs into this week as they could find humanly possible, this sent L off his trolley and into fits of rage and aggression which sent the rest of us into a nervous breakdown.  This was 2 weeks, 2 very long weeks of hell, I genuinely do not know how we survived those 2 weeks.  All the meds and all the ot s&lt and physio and all the activities under the sun was not gonna fix it either.  We literally had to grin, bare and try block out the noise.  The full blue moon wasn't helping matters either as the little sleep we grew accustomed to became completely non existent.  We had 2 birthdays in between, the twins and L's, we suffered through the days and tried to false smile it for the sake of it. 

Family, who'd have them

My poor sweet L, I know he's severely autistic, I know he has no understanding, I know he doesn't like interaction I know all of the above but he is my special little boy who almost didn't make it to this world due to a threatened miscarriage for 4 months.  I'm sorry but this needs to be celebrated and not one family member on my side bar my mother remembered his birthday, not even his godfather. 
I'm deeply upset as is unacceptable.  My family are not close anyway but yea disgusted. L does not deserve that.  Its like he doesn't exist sometimes, no one cares as they cant relate to him anyway.  They remembered the little cute and cuddly autistic twins birthday but just not L's.  Thank god he doesn't even realise what he's related to . 

I developed  some crazy rash on my neck like liver spots, I went to the doctor. How are ya M, well ya know yourself doc, you wouldn't jump out in front of the oncoming bus but wouldn't mind if it hit ya either type of thing.  M omg your lucky I know you ya well enough to know you don't mean it, well now doc, do I not mean it ????  I think I kind of did lol.  Got bloods done, still never rang for results to this day but sure I'm still alive and kicking and I'm sure they'd have rung by now if I was fucked.

I forgot to leave a very important cert into social welfare, its a 6 monthly cert, completely forgot all about it, money stopped for 3 weeks, thanks cause I can afford that, had to go sort that out.  SW well now that's something you shouldn't be forgetting, moan moan , well sw I doubt you'd have remembered either if you where to go through what I went through in last 7 months give me a poxy break, they where so good after that, I told them all the shit I've been through and that I'm lucky I remember my own name these days, and with that all resolved and all sympathies, I always find if your brutally honest and don't roar at them they will help you more, and they did and I'm very grateful as I was broke lol.

So than I get the lovely news that L's bus has lost its tender and went to a new company, WHAT, and I heard through second and third party too.  New fight, straight onto TD bus eireann department of education and department of transport.  If L doesn't get his bus driver and escort restored there will be hell to pay, he will go demented,  How will new people cope with L and his aggressive behaviour and self harming.  He is already to face a new teacher, new classroom, new peers in school as moving up to the next level room and now this change on top, omg I'm dreading September already and I'm not even finished hating august,  It is imperative that L gets his transport and escort put back to the way it was for everyone's sake.  Constant fighting, it never ever ends.

So yea between stress, sleep deprivation, fighting for services to be restored, being broke and all the rain that's hindering all of the above bar transport I'm in a shit heap

yea I wouldn't mind a smack of a bus some days,  most days I feel like I got a smack of one anyway with the way fibro leaves me feeling. 

too tired for life but yet ill smile, be my bubbly charming self and get through it all