Mother's day

Where you love your kids but sometimes don't love being a mother

Exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, cranky, burnt out, scared, worried, anxious, demented, angry, emotional, drained, fed up, guilty, stressed, depressed

Many an emotion a special need's parent can feel in just one day, one single long ass day
There are happy moments in between where you can feel

Happy, joyful, proud, settled, empowered, productive, motivated, balanced, organized, successful, accomplished

How your day starts usually leads the way for how your day will end, and a day can start as early as 2am.  Its a great feeling when a day that started  chaotic turns out great but those day's are few and far between

So this day, mothers day

Well we'll make the most of it for the day that's in it, we'll smile and laugh over a home cooked meal as going out is not an option, we'll enjoy it as best we can

But yes, mothers day for some is a very different day for other's
Sometimes its a painful reminder of all the hopes and dreams you had beginning your motherhood journey that just didn't turn out as you expected and you have to grieve that and accept what is to be your normal

Its hard, very hard but you get on with it and that's ok, you must always acknowledge your feelings and emotions and never be ashamed of them, for they are yours and yours alone, it's how you deal with them that makes you the person and mother you are

Siblings

What is the hardest part of being a mum in this life I've been given

Seeing the affects it has on siblings
They take a back seat, they are pushed a side as your stressed dealing with an autie or 3

Mam, can you help me with my homework, nope not right now, your sister is spilling and smearing her food or drink (or poo, which ever)  all over the place

Mom, I wanna bake something, not a chance in hell, your brother is in shit form and loosing his head in temper, watch he doesn't hit ya, stay out of his way

Can we go to the cinema? with what money, you know how much i paid out on help with the auties this month,  I'm shit broke
Or
can't, no respite this week
Or
Sorry, no sleep had, too dangerous to drive today
Or
No babysitter

Can we go on holiday?
No buddy, no can do, we still paying off the money we borrowed to kit out the sensory room and extension
A weekend away then?
Hmmm can't, need to save all the respite up for easter and Christmas holidays

Can we watch a DVD?
We have to wait till the Auties are in bed and asleep
The auties never sleep
Or
We watch the DVD but it's paused at least 10 times to check on the auties

Can we go out for a nice meal?
No guys, the auties are like possessed demons today, can't bare trying to eat dinner over the crying

Even important things like flag day in school, school plays, or soccer matches,  boxing tournaments,  some days maybe one of us can attend but never two of us, and at times neither of us

Siblings also have to grow up faster as they take on responsibility at such a young age
Helping prepare dinner, cleaning, playing with an autie so you can make dinner, or sitting with an autie just so you can go to the toilet, an autie must be supervised at all times
They haven't the luxury of acting like a typical kid, tantrums and hissy fit will not be tolerated, selfish behavior cannot be tolerated

They witness things their peers never will
A child well over the age of nappy wearing still wearing a nappy, a child smearing poo or peeing where they sit/stand, a naked body running about the house, they witness their parents or themselves being attacked and hurt by their frustrated and overwhelmed autie sibling, they see their mother break down in tears after a phone call about their sibling
They witness their parents being attacked by their sibling while driving and yes they get scared, very very scared
They see their sibling's therapists in their home  more times than they see their relatives there

Never underestimate the life of a spenial needs child's sibling, never take for granted that they are doing OK, never assume they are not hurting on the inside, never think they are happy and content

Always go out of your way to make an autie sibling feel spoit at times, always tell them you appreciate their kindness and patience with their autie sibling and always say thank you for any help they give to you, always make a day, activity or even just for them, always reassure them you love them and tell them how special they are

Siblings are amazing, cherish, love and respect them

Who are we

You try to be open and honest, you feel its too important not to be, you stay truthful and factful but we're living in a filtered world where you can cause offense no matter what, some people can't handle the truth, they can't handle the video footage of a child self harming yet when you say your tired as your child was up all night, they'll join in and say, aren't we all
Well no actually, my up all night and yours are 100% very different, they'll call you dramatic, no shit woman, so would you be if ya had the night I had, they say it's shocking that you are so open publically, yet when you need help they'll aay, God I never knew things where that bad, I would have helped ya, hmm not so sure

There are a lot of fake people in this world but thankfully I know more real, honest amazing people,

Your damned if you do and damned if you don't
So now I choose to tell our story anonymously which was my purpose all along but no matter what I did people kept using mine and my kids names so I just gave up

Please never mention mine or kids names on this page if you know us personally

I started my page on a small basis and it was great but then our life got so out of control and dominated by autism I had no choice but to fight my ass off for a house adaptation grant, which without an amazing TD and his amazing staff and a very understanding and wonderful county council on my side, an excellent service provider, amazing social workers, paediatric team,  child psychiatrist etc would never have happened,  but cause I was fundraising also to  adapt my home and kit it out with sensory and ot equipment and replace everything autism mangled I felt I owed it to people to share our story and give them an insight into our life, why would you help and support a family you know nothing about to be fair and we're not known that much where we live as we are never in the community as we're so consumed at home by autism

But the page grew and the right and the very wrong people got an insight also and people are wonderful but a small few  are very cruel

So new start, who are we

Our story
2 parents, 5 gorgeous kids

A daughter who is now an adult, dx with severe anxiety

A  preteen son with severe autism, he is non verbal, has ID, DCD, spd, sleep disorder and challenging behavior

A healthy happy busy 9 year old

Boy/girl twins age 6
The boy has ASD, ADHD, SPD, ID, challenging behavior and ketotic hypoglycemia

The girl has ASD, spd, anxiety, ID, challenging behavior and sleep disorder

Because 2 of our children have sleep disorder we have severe sleep deprivation, to the point its dangerous, no operating heavy machinery for us and we can't drive at times or maintain full time employment, we are both full time carers

In our former lives my husband was a computer engineer, pretty high up the ranks, and I was a therapist in training, studying my backside off while running a childcare facility from my home, and my whole other life before that I was also a computer engineer

Pre kids I worked with computers for a huge company, but then I started my family and changed career paths completely,  pre kids DX I worked with autism before I ever lived with it, I'm very thankful for this as it prepared me for my new life as an autie mum
Autism was never new to me, it ran in our family genetics

So that's us, I hope you enjoy our blog and find my sense of humor shines through the madness that is our life, I try find the laughter in the craziness  as best I can

Whats covered here
Sleep deprivation
CBD oil
Anxiety
Sensory processing disorder
ADHD
Non verbal Severe autism
Intellectual disability
Asd
Respite
Asperger's
Challenging Behavior
Ketotic hypoglycemia
And so much more than